Chinese New Year 2009 is finally here amidst the world's worst economic crisis. Gone are the good old days of splurging all your bonuses, if still available this year, on new clothes and new year goodies.
However, Chinese New Year is still worth celebrating because one must always start a new year right.
CowShlt Inc gives some ideas on how we can still celebrate Chinese New Year with a smaller budget this year.....
1. Red Packets
Companies substitute stock-options as bonus during economical crisis, so can you.
"Aye... look carefully hor! Lehman Brothers told me this is worth $20000 leh....."
2. Mandarin Oranges
Just like many companies, mandarin oranges can also undergo a round of downsizing...
"Hello.... sng kum is also kum what....."
3. Pussy Willows
Catch some stray cats home, but just make sure they are females.
"Honey, i got them home! But hor.... only got pussy, no willows...."
4. New Year Decorations
You can still decorate your home with lots of red papers....
"Now where shall i paste this red SingTel bill......."
5. Reunion Dinner
Just eat something simpler loh....
"Ah kong ah ma lao peh lao bu ah hiah ah dee! Look! That pineapple tart stall got samples!!"
Wishing all Cowlings a very happy and lucky Year of Ox! Gong xi fa cai!!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
World’s Largest Ferris Wheel Agrees to Settle Compensation Issue with Trapped Visitors off Court
The world’s largest ferris wheel, Fly Above International Landmark (FAIL), has agreed to take its settlement dispute with several visitors, who were trapped above-ground when the wheel was stuck, off the court.
FAIL has originally gone into court arbitration with several visitors regarding compensation issues arose when the ferris wheel stopped rotating on 23 Dec 2008. Visitors on-board were trapped in the cabins for more than 4 hours and were eventually evacuated by the Civil Defence using helipad.
“Standing by our motto of providing the best services to our customers,” explained Mr Ngeow Gwee, spokesperson of FAIL, “we decided to take the arbitration out of court to preserve the dignity of our customers. I mean, if FAIL wants to press on with the charges, how can we not succeed?”
It was understood that FAIL was seeking compensation from all trapped visitors as back payment.
“Eh…. Come on,” said Mr Ngeow, “instead of a normal 30 minutes ride on the ferris wheel, the riders got to enjoy it for a full 4 hours. That was 8 times of what they paid for! All we are seeking for is just that they back pay us another $250, which translates to 5 times the normal ride. Which means in reality, they got one hour of ride totally free! What else can those free-riders ask for?”
On a separate note, the Singapore Civil Defence Force is unclear whom to invoice the evacuation fees to.
“When we billed FAIL,” lamented Mr Zor Sai Kang, head of the civil defence force, “they pushed us to the trapped riders instead, claiming that they were the ones we serviced. When we try to get the money from the trapped riders, they told us to go fly kite instead. What the hack mann!! Take us as monkeys ah?? Call us to climb up and climb down, but when payment is due, we don’t even get peanuts!!”
“We should have taken FAIL two months later,” lamented Mr See Beh Suay, one of the trapped visitors. “What I heard is the FAIL will be providing free food and drink for all trapped visitors when it goes functional again. You know lah, in this bad economy times, every free meal will be very much appreciated. Let’s just hope that the next time I board FAIL again, it will fail again loh! But presently, I only hope FAIL will allow me to pay off the remaining $250 via installments”
“My cabin happens to be at the highest peak when FAIL stopped,” recalled Mr Dee Vote Ter. “It was my first encounter to be ever so close to God, and for a full 4 hours too! I am very grateful to FAIL for providing such a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me. Therefore, not only am I going to pay off my remaining $250 to FAIL, I will even pledge 10% of my monthly income as donation to FAIL!”
Meanwhile, the Police had ruled out foul play for the stoppage of FAIL.
“It is a fact that the ferris wheel stopped spinning due to human interference,” said Mr Chow Mah Ta, chief investigation officer for the case. “From CCTV footage, we realized that the CEO of CowShlt Inc actually boarded one of the cabin with his 7 personal assistants, nicknamed BCCCCR+Y. Their cabin started shaking vigorously soon after, resulting in an imbalance that eventually caused the failure of FAIL. It was definitely not foul play. It was actually foreplay.”
FAIL has originally gone into court arbitration with several visitors regarding compensation issues arose when the ferris wheel stopped rotating on 23 Dec 2008. Visitors on-board were trapped in the cabins for more than 4 hours and were eventually evacuated by the Civil Defence using helipad.
“Standing by our motto of providing the best services to our customers,” explained Mr Ngeow Gwee, spokesperson of FAIL, “we decided to take the arbitration out of court to preserve the dignity of our customers. I mean, if FAIL wants to press on with the charges, how can we not succeed?”
It was understood that FAIL was seeking compensation from all trapped visitors as back payment.
“Eh…. Come on,” said Mr Ngeow, “instead of a normal 30 minutes ride on the ferris wheel, the riders got to enjoy it for a full 4 hours. That was 8 times of what they paid for! All we are seeking for is just that they back pay us another $250, which translates to 5 times the normal ride. Which means in reality, they got one hour of ride totally free! What else can those free-riders ask for?”
On a separate note, the Singapore Civil Defence Force is unclear whom to invoice the evacuation fees to.
“When we billed FAIL,” lamented Mr Zor Sai Kang, head of the civil defence force, “they pushed us to the trapped riders instead, claiming that they were the ones we serviced. When we try to get the money from the trapped riders, they told us to go fly kite instead. What the hack mann!! Take us as monkeys ah?? Call us to climb up and climb down, but when payment is due, we don’t even get peanuts!!”
“We should have taken FAIL two months later,” lamented Mr See Beh Suay, one of the trapped visitors. “What I heard is the FAIL will be providing free food and drink for all trapped visitors when it goes functional again. You know lah, in this bad economy times, every free meal will be very much appreciated. Let’s just hope that the next time I board FAIL again, it will fail again loh! But presently, I only hope FAIL will allow me to pay off the remaining $250 via installments”
“My cabin happens to be at the highest peak when FAIL stopped,” recalled Mr Dee Vote Ter. “It was my first encounter to be ever so close to God, and for a full 4 hours too! I am very grateful to FAIL for providing such a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me. Therefore, not only am I going to pay off my remaining $250 to FAIL, I will even pledge 10% of my monthly income as donation to FAIL!”
Meanwhile, the Police had ruled out foul play for the stoppage of FAIL.
“It is a fact that the ferris wheel stopped spinning due to human interference,” said Mr Chow Mah Ta, chief investigation officer for the case. “From CCTV footage, we realized that the CEO of CowShlt Inc actually boarded one of the cabin with his 7 personal assistants, nicknamed BCCCCR+Y. Their cabin started shaking vigorously soon after, resulting in an imbalance that eventually caused the failure of FAIL. It was definitely not foul play. It was actually foreplay.”
Monday, December 22, 2008
2008 Year End Review
Internal Newsletter
Dear all,
Year 2008 is coming to an end with only two more weeks to go. Let’s perform a review on how the various projects we had agreed upon last December are doing.
1. To Revitalise Singapore Economy
Singapore was enjoying her best economy in 2008, until some ku-ku fengshui masters advised to reverse the direction of our money spinning Singapore Flyers.
Verdict – Money down the drain….
2. Building of NewPower Plant
SP Power increased their electrical tariff by a whooping 21%. But due to keen competition from CowShlt Inc NewPower Plant, they had quickly announced a 25% reduction from next year. Thanks to all CowShlt Inc staffs who produced so many craps in 2008, this project is an astounding success.
Verdict – Holy craps! But more shlt needed!
3. To Break into the Local Movie Industry
See what happen when an acclaimed director like Royston Tan chose to produce a lotus film instead of collaborating with CowShlt Inc to produce 1711? Flop, total flop…..
Verdict – Why not co-produce 1800-COWSHIT in 2009??
4. To Mass Market the Cure for Gay Tendency
Due to the financial crisis, most people are so well trained in covering their ass. The gays have no chance at all. Our new drug has thus no market to sell to.
Verdict – Someone’s ass need to be whipped for suggesting this project…
5. Building of Singapore Disneyland
I am sad to announce that Mickey Mouse and friends have been abducted by the Somali pirates while cruising over to Singapore. We are currently in talk with Disneyland to allow our very White Tigers to stand-in as their new mascot while negotiation with the pirates continues. We are currently in talk with Disneyland to allow our very White Tigers to stand-in as their new mascot while negotiation with the pirates continues.
Verdict – Surely those visitors can’t differentiate between 老鼠 and 老虎 right?
6. To Help Win Olympic Gold Medal in Beijing 2008
Singapore has finally ended her Olympic medal drought in Beijing 2008. To keep the tempo going, CowShlt Inc has again been tasked to help bring in more medals in London 2010. Being once a colony of England, the Olympic is seen as being help in Singapore twice consecutively.
Verdict – Gold standard
7. To Help Singapore Government Connect with the Youths
The facts speaks for itself…..
Verdict – No need to grade anymore, friend friend already lah…..
8. To Develop Singapore as the Region's Protest Hub
Singapore has setup its first Protest Corner in Hong Lim Park. However, the participants are still… should I say… way behind our Thai counterparts.
Verdict – We’ve done our part. Maybe some oversea studies in Thailand is necessary…
Dear all,
Year 2008 is coming to an end with only two more weeks to go. Let’s perform a review on how the various projects we had agreed upon last December are doing.
1. To Revitalise Singapore Economy
Singapore was enjoying her best economy in 2008, until some ku-ku fengshui masters advised to reverse the direction of our money spinning Singapore Flyers.
Verdict – Money down the drain….
2. Building of NewPower Plant
SP Power increased their electrical tariff by a whooping 21%. But due to keen competition from CowShlt Inc NewPower Plant, they had quickly announced a 25% reduction from next year. Thanks to all CowShlt Inc staffs who produced so many craps in 2008, this project is an astounding success.
Verdict – Holy craps! But more shlt needed!
3. To Break into the Local Movie Industry
See what happen when an acclaimed director like Royston Tan chose to produce a lotus film instead of collaborating with CowShlt Inc to produce 1711? Flop, total flop…..
Verdict – Why not co-produce 1800-COWSHIT in 2009??
4. To Mass Market the Cure for Gay Tendency
Due to the financial crisis, most people are so well trained in covering their ass. The gays have no chance at all. Our new drug has thus no market to sell to.
Verdict – Someone’s ass need to be whipped for suggesting this project…
5. Building of Singapore Disneyland
I am sad to announce that Mickey Mouse and friends have been abducted by the Somali pirates while cruising over to Singapore. We are currently in talk with Disneyland to allow our very White Tigers to stand-in as their new mascot while negotiation with the pirates continues. We are currently in talk with Disneyland to allow our very White Tigers to stand-in as their new mascot while negotiation with the pirates continues.
Verdict – Surely those visitors can’t differentiate between 老鼠 and 老虎 right?
6. To Help Win Olympic Gold Medal in Beijing 2008
Singapore has finally ended her Olympic medal drought in Beijing 2008. To keep the tempo going, CowShlt Inc has again been tasked to help bring in more medals in London 2010. Being once a colony of England, the Olympic is seen as being help in Singapore twice consecutively.
Verdict – Gold standard
7. To Help Singapore Government Connect with the Youths
The facts speaks for itself…..
Verdict – No need to grade anymore, friend friend already lah…..
8. To Develop Singapore as the Region's Protest Hub
Singapore has setup its first Protest Corner in Hong Lim Park. However, the participants are still… should I say… way behind our Thai counterparts.
Verdict – We’ve done our part. Maybe some oversea studies in Thailand is necessary…
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
CowShlt Inc Bans All Staffs from Practicing YOGA
Staffs from CowShlt Inc are apparently furious over a recent ban from the top management on them practicing YOGA. The reason for banning this practice was apparently that it will erode the faith of CowShlt Inc adopted belief, Crapsology.
“All staffs in CowShlt Inc must fully devote themselves to Crapsology, and Crapslogy only,” declared Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc. “Crapsology is an ideology founded by the great Holy Crap. We had been practicing it ever since CowShlt Inc was formed. For that, it is reason enough to ban our staffs from coming into contact with any other beliefs”
It was understood that the belief, You’re Only Getting Advanced, or YOGA in short, was founded by an Indian guru thousands of years ago, but was getting increasingly popular especially among the young and educated. Practitioners of this ancient art make use of emerging technologies and slogans shouting to increase their self-beliefs.
“I used to think getting to work was all craps,” said Mr Seh Kor, “until I started practicing YOGA. YOGA taught me how to spread my workload using advanced technology. Now, with emails reaching me 24 hours a day, my entire life is craps. Getting to work became a much happier event!”
“I used to be a person without any passion for my job,” confessed Ms Jiak Zhua, “until YOGA pointed me to the correct direction. I start my day in the office by shouting the YOGA slogan ‘I love my job!’ multiple times. And I’m sure you had heard it before. A lie, when told multiple times, can be perceived as reality. So although I am practically still doing nothing in office now, I have embraced the idea that I actually love such a job!”
“It’s not a matter of whether the belief promotes good or bad,” explains Mr Gu Sai. “Crapsology doesn’t work this way. YOGA tries to impose logic on whatever it preaches, and logic is something Crapsology absolutely oppose to. Don’t ask me the logic behind such crap logic as it is the Crapsology logic to not have any logic!”
On a separate note, Mr Gu Sai revealed that CowShlt Inc is presently reviewing on whether to grant access to Taiwanese heartthrob Yoga Lin to perform at CowShlt Inc annual Dinner & Dance.
“All staffs in CowShlt Inc must fully devote themselves to Crapsology, and Crapslogy only,” declared Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc. “Crapsology is an ideology founded by the great Holy Crap. We had been practicing it ever since CowShlt Inc was formed. For that, it is reason enough to ban our staffs from coming into contact with any other beliefs”
It was understood that the belief, You’re Only Getting Advanced, or YOGA in short, was founded by an Indian guru thousands of years ago, but was getting increasingly popular especially among the young and educated. Practitioners of this ancient art make use of emerging technologies and slogans shouting to increase their self-beliefs.
“I used to think getting to work was all craps,” said Mr Seh Kor, “until I started practicing YOGA. YOGA taught me how to spread my workload using advanced technology. Now, with emails reaching me 24 hours a day, my entire life is craps. Getting to work became a much happier event!”
“I used to be a person without any passion for my job,” confessed Ms Jiak Zhua, “until YOGA pointed me to the correct direction. I start my day in the office by shouting the YOGA slogan ‘I love my job!’ multiple times. And I’m sure you had heard it before. A lie, when told multiple times, can be perceived as reality. So although I am practically still doing nothing in office now, I have embraced the idea that I actually love such a job!”
“It’s not a matter of whether the belief promotes good or bad,” explains Mr Gu Sai. “Crapsology doesn’t work this way. YOGA tries to impose logic on whatever it preaches, and logic is something Crapsology absolutely oppose to. Don’t ask me the logic behind such crap logic as it is the Crapsology logic to not have any logic!”
On a separate note, Mr Gu Sai revealed that CowShlt Inc is presently reviewing on whether to grant access to Taiwanese heartthrob Yoga Lin to perform at CowShlt Inc annual Dinner & Dance.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Zoo Still Undecided on Action to Take to Prevent Future Mauling by Tigers
Few days after the mauling of a contract worker by the white tigers, the Singapore Zoo is still undecided on what action it can take to prevent future incidents from happening.
“Tentatively,” said Mr Gore Rileer, “we will usher all visitors into a steel cage the moment they come to the Zoo. Instead of letting people walk all over the Zoo, potentially falling into the Tiger Enclosure, we will let the animals come visit the humans in cage instead. We hereby urge all visitors not to accept any bananas offered to them by our animals.”
The general public has also generously offered suggestions on the possible actions Singapore Zoo can take.
“In western medical terms,” explained Dr Tok Cai Tau, “we treat symptoms by symptoms. The tigers like to bite right? Then just remove the cause! Extract all the teeth of the tigers will solve the problem once and for all. Anyway, Singaporeans are always known as toothless tigers who, when talk sibei kiang, but when action needed, all don’t know run where!”
“The Zoo should start identifying potential danger zones,” suggested Mr Yee Arh Pee. “Once the Zoo did that, then it can start imposing electronic charges on the visitors who still choose to visit the dangerous sites. During peak hours when the zookeepers are busiest, the electronic charges should also be the highest. This will force all visitors to plan their routes and only visit those non dangerous exhibits.”
“Long long time ago when the Zoo only has yellow tigers,” recalled Mr Geh Ang Moh, “such incidents never happened. But then the Zoo decided to import all this white tigers, raving how precious they are and how they can save the plunging economy. See what happens? Those white tigers snatched away all the jobs from the local tigers and worse still, bit the hands that feed them!”
“The tigers have no fault at all,” claims Ms M. O. Yee. “The fault lies with the Zoo allowing all tom, dick and harry to get near those sacred beings. I suggest the Zoo to conduct entrance test for all visitors and stream them accordingly into EM1, EM2 and EM3. Ferry the elite EM1 visitors on a through train that brings them directly to the white tigers enclosure. Let the ordinary EM2 visitors walk all the way there, so that they will be too tired to climb over the fence when they reach. As for those EM3 visitors who do not even know that ‘I Not Stupid’ is structurally wrong, we should restrict them to visiting rabbits!”
“Instead of punishing the tigers for what it did wrong,” explores Ms Hoe Lis Tick, “why not reward them for doing what’s right? Instead of using the stick as always, why not offer the carrot instead? Huh? Yes, I know tigers are carnivorous animal and don’t eat carrots. What I mean is we can encourage them to behave better by offering some rewards right? Like, maybe some sort of monetary payout? All we need is to push them to work harder and generate more revenues for the Zoo, then take some cash from their left pockets and stuff them into their right.”
“I want to offer the Zoo a win-win-win solution!” declares Mr An Ler Sze. “Legalise tiger mauling as a form of euthanasia! In this way, the person who wants to die still gets to die. The Zoo gets an extra visitor, and the tigers get an extra meal!”
Anybody with other suggestions are welcome to contact the Singapore Zoo directly. Person with the best suggestion will win an all expenses paid 3 days 2 nights stay at the Singapore Zoo White Tiger Enclosure.
“Tentatively,” said Mr Gore Rileer, “we will usher all visitors into a steel cage the moment they come to the Zoo. Instead of letting people walk all over the Zoo, potentially falling into the Tiger Enclosure, we will let the animals come visit the humans in cage instead. We hereby urge all visitors not to accept any bananas offered to them by our animals.”
The general public has also generously offered suggestions on the possible actions Singapore Zoo can take.
“In western medical terms,” explained Dr Tok Cai Tau, “we treat symptoms by symptoms. The tigers like to bite right? Then just remove the cause! Extract all the teeth of the tigers will solve the problem once and for all. Anyway, Singaporeans are always known as toothless tigers who, when talk sibei kiang, but when action needed, all don’t know run where!”
“The Zoo should start identifying potential danger zones,” suggested Mr Yee Arh Pee. “Once the Zoo did that, then it can start imposing electronic charges on the visitors who still choose to visit the dangerous sites. During peak hours when the zookeepers are busiest, the electronic charges should also be the highest. This will force all visitors to plan their routes and only visit those non dangerous exhibits.”
“Long long time ago when the Zoo only has yellow tigers,” recalled Mr Geh Ang Moh, “such incidents never happened. But then the Zoo decided to import all this white tigers, raving how precious they are and how they can save the plunging economy. See what happens? Those white tigers snatched away all the jobs from the local tigers and worse still, bit the hands that feed them!”
“The tigers have no fault at all,” claims Ms M. O. Yee. “The fault lies with the Zoo allowing all tom, dick and harry to get near those sacred beings. I suggest the Zoo to conduct entrance test for all visitors and stream them accordingly into EM1, EM2 and EM3. Ferry the elite EM1 visitors on a through train that brings them directly to the white tigers enclosure. Let the ordinary EM2 visitors walk all the way there, so that they will be too tired to climb over the fence when they reach. As for those EM3 visitors who do not even know that ‘I Not Stupid’ is structurally wrong, we should restrict them to visiting rabbits!”
“Instead of punishing the tigers for what it did wrong,” explores Ms Hoe Lis Tick, “why not reward them for doing what’s right? Instead of using the stick as always, why not offer the carrot instead? Huh? Yes, I know tigers are carnivorous animal and don’t eat carrots. What I mean is we can encourage them to behave better by offering some rewards right? Like, maybe some sort of monetary payout? All we need is to push them to work harder and generate more revenues for the Zoo, then take some cash from their left pockets and stuff them into their right.”
“I want to offer the Zoo a win-win-win solution!” declares Mr An Ler Sze. “Legalise tiger mauling as a form of euthanasia! In this way, the person who wants to die still gets to die. The Zoo gets an extra visitor, and the tigers get an extra meal!”
Anybody with other suggestions are welcome to contact the Singapore Zoo directly. Person with the best suggestion will win an all expenses paid 3 days 2 nights stay at the Singapore Zoo White Tiger Enclosure.
Friday, November 14, 2008
CowShlt Inc Offers Expatriate Contract to White Tiger
The industry was reeling with shock after the sudden announcement from Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc, that his company has offered Mr White Tiger, an armature assassin, the top benefits of an expatriate contract.
“White Tiger helms a proven track record of mauling and was the pivotal player in successfully producing the first killing in our child company, the Singapore Zoological Garden,” said Mr Gu Sai. “Once again White Tiger has proven that foreign talents do the job better than locals. Just look at him! He’s white! What else needs to be said?”
While many people have casted doubts over Mr White Tiger’s capabilities by just one kill, Mr Gu Sai is confident of his judgment.
“ScoobyDaddy works in the zoo,” explained My Gu Sai, “and it was a well known fact that he constantly makes passes at my Personal Assistant, Ms CowBoo. So I arranged for ScoobyDaddy to perform a role play of 武松打虎 to entertain our crowd yesterday. It was then whereby White Tiger stroke and got the kill precisely.”
It was unknown to Mr Gu Sai that the actual staff who went into the tigers den was not ScoobyDaddy himself, but just a stand-in, Mr Carl la Fare.
“Damn heng ah!” blurted out Mr ScoobyDaddy. “Just before the show I decided to snack on our CEO’s favourite food – sugar coated sor ta biah with Chinese tea. After eating that, I lao sai until I cannot walk. So without any choice, I got Carl to stand-in for me and covered his face with a pail to prevent Mr Gu Sai from recognizing him. But ends up, he became my scapegoat! So it was really me who 送羊入虎口!!”
“White Tiger helms a proven track record of mauling and was the pivotal player in successfully producing the first killing in our child company, the Singapore Zoological Garden,” said Mr Gu Sai. “Once again White Tiger has proven that foreign talents do the job better than locals. Just look at him! He’s white! What else needs to be said?”
While many people have casted doubts over Mr White Tiger’s capabilities by just one kill, Mr Gu Sai is confident of his judgment.
“ScoobyDaddy works in the zoo,” explained My Gu Sai, “and it was a well known fact that he constantly makes passes at my Personal Assistant, Ms CowBoo. So I arranged for ScoobyDaddy to perform a role play of 武松打虎 to entertain our crowd yesterday. It was then whereby White Tiger stroke and got the kill precisely.”
It was unknown to Mr Gu Sai that the actual staff who went into the tigers den was not ScoobyDaddy himself, but just a stand-in, Mr Carl la Fare.
“Damn heng ah!” blurted out Mr ScoobyDaddy. “Just before the show I decided to snack on our CEO’s favourite food – sugar coated sor ta biah with Chinese tea. After eating that, I lao sai until I cannot walk. So without any choice, I got Carl to stand-in for me and covered his face with a pail to prevent Mr Gu Sai from recognizing him. But ends up, he became my scapegoat! So it was really me who 送羊入虎口!!”
Friday, October 31, 2008
CowShlt Inc Staffs Brace Themselves for Inter-departmental Halloween Bash
The entire premises of CowShlt Inc have been buzzing with last minute touch-ups for their Halloween bash tonight.
“This is going to be the greatest party of the century!” declares Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc. “This Halloween party not only allows all staffs to let their hair down - literally, but also promotes cohesiveness among all departments!”
It is understood that each department in CowShlt Inc is to dress up their manager as a Halloween figure that will “scare the hell out of themselves”.
“By making them become what they are most afraid of," explains Mr Gu Sai, "I am actually helping them combat their greatest fear. As a prime example myself, I will be dressing up as a 12-inch Subway’s sandwich, being kar-char into halves, with the white mayonnaise flowing out constantly without control!”
“I am very confident of being the most frightful figure tonight,” beams Mr Saab Prime, the Finance Department Manager. “My deputy and I will be dressed as the Lehman Brothers while all my staffs will harass staffs from other departments into buying high risk investment scheme disguise as fixed deposit product. Hell! I even have props! Look at this stock market chart and my downward pointing arrow! Do they send a chill down your spine?”
“Cutting operating cost has always been our core objective,” says Mr Kee Gei Leow, the Maintenance Department Manager. “With this thought in mind, we are using only recycled materials as props. My staffs have kindly donated many of their children’s angpow packets to dress me into a giant red colour SP Power bill. And you know what will strike the most fear? Look at this statement printed in bold – 21% INCREASE FROM OCTOBER 2008. Ask you scare or not!”
“I have enough reasons to believe my dress up is the most elaborate,” says Mr Peh En Paye, the Delivery Department Manager. “I will be totally wrapped in sheetmetal with a electronic display board. And to fit into this costume, I have to bend myself over, resulting in such a vulnerable position. Then my staffs who are dressed in white will come and screw me from behind, but all I can say is Beep Beep Beep! You guessed it right! I’m dressed as the f***ing ERP gantry!”
“Sadly to say,” sighs Ms Lee Trenchman, the Human Resource Department Manager, “I will be transformed into the most hideous creature on Earth tonight. Most people see HR staffs as people who just dress up nicely and forever having tea breaks. To counter this misconception, I will be as ugly as possible and hand out free snacks for all tonight instead. The snack will be what I’m dressed as – fried cuttlefish.”
And as usual, the seven Personal Assistants of Mr Gu Sai are putting up an united front for the bash. “We sisters are so alike to the extent of even having the same fear,” echo BCCCCR+Y in unison. “Our dress up for tonight’s Halloween bash is extremely simple. Just a simple uniformed colour gown with two pink stripes across our slim waists. What are we? We are a pregnancy test kit tested positive!”
“This is going to be the greatest party of the century!” declares Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc. “This Halloween party not only allows all staffs to let their hair down - literally, but also promotes cohesiveness among all departments!”
It is understood that each department in CowShlt Inc is to dress up their manager as a Halloween figure that will “scare the hell out of themselves”.
“By making them become what they are most afraid of," explains Mr Gu Sai, "I am actually helping them combat their greatest fear. As a prime example myself, I will be dressing up as a 12-inch Subway’s sandwich, being kar-char into halves, with the white mayonnaise flowing out constantly without control!”
“I am very confident of being the most frightful figure tonight,” beams Mr Saab Prime, the Finance Department Manager. “My deputy and I will be dressed as the Lehman Brothers while all my staffs will harass staffs from other departments into buying high risk investment scheme disguise as fixed deposit product. Hell! I even have props! Look at this stock market chart and my downward pointing arrow! Do they send a chill down your spine?”
“Cutting operating cost has always been our core objective,” says Mr Kee Gei Leow, the Maintenance Department Manager. “With this thought in mind, we are using only recycled materials as props. My staffs have kindly donated many of their children’s angpow packets to dress me into a giant red colour SP Power bill. And you know what will strike the most fear? Look at this statement printed in bold – 21% INCREASE FROM OCTOBER 2008. Ask you scare or not!”
“I have enough reasons to believe my dress up is the most elaborate,” says Mr Peh En Paye, the Delivery Department Manager. “I will be totally wrapped in sheetmetal with a electronic display board. And to fit into this costume, I have to bend myself over, resulting in such a vulnerable position. Then my staffs who are dressed in white will come and screw me from behind, but all I can say is Beep Beep Beep! You guessed it right! I’m dressed as the f***ing ERP gantry!”
“Sadly to say,” sighs Ms Lee Trenchman, the Human Resource Department Manager, “I will be transformed into the most hideous creature on Earth tonight. Most people see HR staffs as people who just dress up nicely and forever having tea breaks. To counter this misconception, I will be as ugly as possible and hand out free snacks for all tonight instead. The snack will be what I’m dressed as – fried cuttlefish.”
And as usual, the seven Personal Assistants of Mr Gu Sai are putting up an united front for the bash. “We sisters are so alike to the extent of even having the same fear,” echo BCCCCR+Y in unison. “Our dress up for tonight’s Halloween bash is extremely simple. Just a simple uniformed colour gown with two pink stripes across our slim waists. What are we? We are a pregnancy test kit tested positive!”
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