Internal Memo - Human Resource Arrangement
Dear Staffs,
The year 2007 has been a great run for CowShlt Inc and 2008 definitely looks even more promising. A total of 8 projects are already in the pipeline and the HR department will be talking to each of you soon in realignment of human resources according to project needs. I shall briefly highlight the 8 projects here so that if you possess a particular interest into any of it, do express yourself early.
And the 8 projects are (in no order of merits or importance):
1. To Revitalise Singapore Economy
As much of my bank accounts are in US dollars, the weakening of the currency has seen my pockets shrunk considerably. I have, therefore, decided to shift our investment focus back to Singapore dollars. Thus, a booming economy is needed. We will therefore have to convert the Singapore Flyer from a ferris wheel to a watermill instead. This watermill will be shifted 8 degrees South, overlooking Singapore business district. This watermill will then provide the much needed wind and water for that area.
2. Building of NewPower Plant
With the price increase in electricity tariff, CowShlt Inc will build our own power generator plant instead. The NewPower plant will convert human wastes of all CowShlt Inc staffs into energy. As i personally observed, much of our shlt contains a high level of oil. All staffs are therefore mandated to consume only deep fried food and produce at least 2kg of waste per day.
3. To Break into the Local Movie Industry
Acclaimed home-grown director Royston Tan has agreed to produce the sequel to the highly successful movie 881 in collaboration with CowShlt Inc. This movie, titled 1711, will see Qi Yuwu reprise his role as Guanyin. Since the departure of Small Papaya, Guanyin developed an obsession with time. And every 5 minutes, he will pick up the phone and dial 1711. He soon developed an explicit relationship with the automated time reporter. Since Guanyin had sold his cock in 881, he will adopt a pet cow in 1711 instead. Enxiii "Techno Cow" will make her movie debut as the voice behind the automated time reporter.
4. To Mass Market the Cure for Gay Tendency
CowShlt Inc, together with Nominated Member of Parliament Thio Li-ann, have successfully developed the cure for gay tendency. The cure, in liquid solution, is to be ingested via two straws shafted into the nose.
5. Building of Singapore Disneyland
The Singapore government has finally convinced Walt Disney to build a Disneyland on our shores and CowShlt Inc has been tasked to oversee the development. To ensure Mickey Mouse and his gang have the same ample space to roam about as in Los Angeles and Japan, Singapore Disneyland will thereby be the first ever multi-storey Disneyland!
6. To Help Win Olympic Gold Medal in Beijing 2008
The Singapore Sports Council views Beijing 2008 as the "first Olympic Games held on homeground". CowShlt Inc has been tasked to expediate the talent spotting process and convert as many Beijing-born athletes to Singapore citizen as possible.
7. To Help Singapore Government Connect with the Youths
The post-65 MPs have dance the hiphop. The MDA officials have sang the rap. Now the Singapore government will connect with the youth in the most widespread manner ever adopted - Facebook. CowShlt Inc will assist all Members of Parliament in sending email invitation to their respective constituents aged 30 and below. The invitation notice will be customised to have only "Accept as Friend" button. Failure to accept their MPs as Friends within 30 days will result in an auto generated house arrest.
8. To Develop Singapore as the Region's Protest Hub
It is of great embarassment to the Singapore leaders to be overtaken by Malaysia in staging protest not once, but thrice. The Singapore government has thus announced an emergency ruling to legalise protest aims to be the leading "Protest Hub" in this region. CowShlt Inc has been roped in to help distribute goodies bags to all protesters. Expect to see our newly crowned Asian Idol - Hady Mirza in action on the inaugural protest. CowShlt Inc will sponsor the top prize for the lucky draw.
The year 2008 promise to be full of excitments with these upcoming projects. I'd like to express my greatest gratitude to all staffs of CowShlt Inc for making 2007 a successful year. And i certainly look foward to another year of unwavering support in 2008!
I sincerely wish all staffs a very Happy New Year.
Best regards,
Gu Sai
CEO, CowShlt Inc
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
All I Want for Christmas is......
Christmas is just round the corner. You can in fact sees its shadow behind the wall, holding its baseball bat, ready to pounce on anyone who comes next. Christmas is all about giving and sharing. Gone are the cheesy wishes for "world peace". And thus, Cow Peh decided to share with all Cowlings, his wishlist for Christmas 2008.....
Cow Peh's Top 5 Wishlist for Christmas 2008
1. Bell
Which domesticated Cow want to be spotted without ding-dong Bell? Sometimes Cow Peh can get lost in life too. And the chime of crystal clear Bell certainly does best in waking up his sleepy soul.
2. Cammyra (Editor's Note: Are you sure it is not spelt as camera?)
Time stops for no one. Youth passes and beauty fades. The only way to capture and preserve Cow Peh's failing memory is in the form of picture, motion or still. What else is better in keeping Cow Peh's fondest moments than Cammyra?
3. Casper
Christmas is never complete without the story of the ghost and the holy Cow. Cow Peh is a restless Cow who sometimes fly too high for a safe landing. And who does a better job than Casper the friendly ghost in bringing Cow Peh down to earth, and sometimes even under the earth?
4. Charmed (Editor's Note: The noun should be charm, not charmed lah!)
Readership of CowShlt Newsletter had dwindled considerably. To save his grace, Cow Peh desperately need Charmed to pull in more readers. Charmed that mesmerized Cow Peh so much upon setting his first sight. If Charmed can work so effectively on the mighty Cow Peh, there is no escape for other mortal Cows.
5. Enxiiison Sales (Editor Note: Now, i'm pretty sure it's spelt as End Season...)
Being lavished with so many gifts from his fans, Cow Peh must also reciprocate by giving. But having his leather pocket tight as usual, Enxiiison Sales is a god-send. Somehow, Cow Peh has already developed a strong dependancy on Enxiiison Sales. Whenever he gets into a tight corner, he knows he can always count on Enxiiison Sales to bail him out.
PLUS!!
Like any good album, there's always a bonus track. Cow Peh wishlist also has a plus item too!
6. Yacuzzy (Editor's Note: Get a dictionary, Cow Peh, it's jacuzzi....)
Ever so attractive, ever so enchanting. What can beat the stress away better than indulging in the warmth of Yacuzzy? The bubbly nature of Yacuzzy will relax every inch of Cow Peh's tensed muscle. Even a short encounter with Yacuzzy is enough for Cow Peh to develop an addiction. For times without Yacuzzy, get ready for withdrawal symptoms!
Cow Peh's Top 5 Wishlist for Christmas 2008
1. Bell
Which domesticated Cow want to be spotted without ding-dong Bell? Sometimes Cow Peh can get lost in life too. And the chime of crystal clear Bell certainly does best in waking up his sleepy soul.
2. Cammyra (Editor's Note: Are you sure it is not spelt as camera?)
Time stops for no one. Youth passes and beauty fades. The only way to capture and preserve Cow Peh's failing memory is in the form of picture, motion or still. What else is better in keeping Cow Peh's fondest moments than Cammyra?
3. Casper
Christmas is never complete without the story of the ghost and the holy Cow. Cow Peh is a restless Cow who sometimes fly too high for a safe landing. And who does a better job than Casper the friendly ghost in bringing Cow Peh down to earth, and sometimes even under the earth?
4. Charmed (Editor's Note: The noun should be charm, not charmed lah!)
Readership of CowShlt Newsletter had dwindled considerably. To save his grace, Cow Peh desperately need Charmed to pull in more readers. Charmed that mesmerized Cow Peh so much upon setting his first sight. If Charmed can work so effectively on the mighty Cow Peh, there is no escape for other mortal Cows.
5. Enxiiison Sales (Editor Note: Now, i'm pretty sure it's spelt as End Season...)
Being lavished with so many gifts from his fans, Cow Peh must also reciprocate by giving. But having his leather pocket tight as usual, Enxiiison Sales is a god-send. Somehow, Cow Peh has already developed a strong dependancy on Enxiiison Sales. Whenever he gets into a tight corner, he knows he can always count on Enxiiison Sales to bail him out.
PLUS!!
Like any good album, there's always a bonus track. Cow Peh wishlist also has a plus item too!
6. Yacuzzy (Editor's Note: Get a dictionary, Cow Peh, it's jacuzzi....)
Ever so attractive, ever so enchanting. What can beat the stress away better than indulging in the warmth of Yacuzzy? The bubbly nature of Yacuzzy will relax every inch of Cow Peh's tensed muscle. Even a short encounter with Yacuzzy is enough for Cow Peh to develop an addiction. For times without Yacuzzy, get ready for withdrawal symptoms!
Friday, December 14, 2007
Prima Deli Food Poisoning Case.....
Psst..... Cow Peh finally figured out why Prima Deli's chocolate cake contains .......Salmonella Enteriditis.
Read this carefully....................
Read this carefully....................
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Community Service - Resignation Letter Sample
Cow Peh received a personal request from his friend who works in a competitor company. He wanted to quit but have absolutely no idea on how to write a resignation letter. So, in the goodwill of community spirit, Cow Peh took the effort to draft the letter for him.......
To: Mr Fei Hua, General Manager
BullShlt Ltd
6969 Jalan Jalan-jalan
Singapore 142434
From: Zor Sai Kang, Manager
Manure Recycling Department
Staff Number 54438
Dear Mr Fei,
LETTER OF RESIGNATION
I, Zor Sai Kang, hereby tender my resignation from the position of Manure Recycling Department Manager. As per required by my terms of engagement, I hereby give 3 months of notification and thus my official last day of service will be 30 Feb 2008.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank BullShlt Ltd and you personally for the continuous grooming in bettering me, in both professional and personal context. I am especially appreciative of the many shlt you thrown at my face daily, without fail, throughout the years. This directly resulted in the radiant glow sporting from my face now. I believe this is the strongest testament of the high quality shlt that BullShlt Ltd churn out constantly.
I am also thankful to BullShlt Ltd for training me to sleep at 2am and wake up at 6am the following morning. The ringing from the teleconference is the most beautiful alarm clock sound that my family ever heard. Experts stated that 1/3 of our lives were spent sleeping. With your training, i had effectively gained 4 hours of extra life daily. Though there are people who suggested that i look 10 years older than my actual age, they had forgotten the fact that i am also 10 years nearer to my retirement.
Finally, i will like to thank you for personally training me in the wide aspect of understanding politics. Your "101 Ways to Cover Your Backside", "Teach Yourself to Backstab in 21 Days" and "Suppressing Alternative Views" seminars increased my social skillset like never before. The workshops on "Tripoding" and "Currying Favours" taught me how to attain a good inner balancing while spicing up my life.
It is therefore, with my deepest regret to part way with this magnificant company. Should all factors permit, it will be my greatest pleasure to offer my services to BullShlt Ltd again. I say this from my bottom, i mean, bottom of my heart.
I wish BullShlt Ltd and all her staffs the very best in their future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Zor Sai Kang
Manager, Manure Recycling Department
To: Mr Fei Hua, General Manager
BullShlt Ltd
6969 Jalan Jalan-jalan
Singapore 142434
From: Zor Sai Kang, Manager
Manure Recycling Department
Staff Number 54438
Dear Mr Fei,
LETTER OF RESIGNATION
I, Zor Sai Kang, hereby tender my resignation from the position of Manure Recycling Department Manager. As per required by my terms of engagement, I hereby give 3 months of notification and thus my official last day of service will be 30 Feb 2008.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank BullShlt Ltd and you personally for the continuous grooming in bettering me, in both professional and personal context. I am especially appreciative of the many shlt you thrown at my face daily, without fail, throughout the years. This directly resulted in the radiant glow sporting from my face now. I believe this is the strongest testament of the high quality shlt that BullShlt Ltd churn out constantly.
I am also thankful to BullShlt Ltd for training me to sleep at 2am and wake up at 6am the following morning. The ringing from the teleconference is the most beautiful alarm clock sound that my family ever heard. Experts stated that 1/3 of our lives were spent sleeping. With your training, i had effectively gained 4 hours of extra life daily. Though there are people who suggested that i look 10 years older than my actual age, they had forgotten the fact that i am also 10 years nearer to my retirement.
Finally, i will like to thank you for personally training me in the wide aspect of understanding politics. Your "101 Ways to Cover Your Backside", "Teach Yourself to Backstab in 21 Days" and "Suppressing Alternative Views" seminars increased my social skillset like never before. The workshops on "Tripoding" and "Currying Favours" taught me how to attain a good inner balancing while spicing up my life.
It is therefore, with my deepest regret to part way with this magnificant company. Should all factors permit, it will be my greatest pleasure to offer my services to BullShlt Ltd again. I say this from my bottom, i mean, bottom of my heart.
I wish BullShlt Ltd and all her staffs the very best in their future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Zor Sai Kang
Manager, Manure Recycling Department
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