Singapore Ready to Become Regional ERP Hub

The Singapore government recently revealed their grand vision of becoming the regional hub for Electronic Road Pricing.

"While our neighbours are busy planting flag on the Middle Rocks, we move one step ahead by planting even more ERP gantries!" mused Mr Cheng Hoo Lang, spokesperson of LTA. "In fact, we are now studying the profitability of installing an ERP gantry at Pedra Branca. Everyone in Singapore pays ERP to go work, so how can exception be made for those fellows working in Horsburg Lighthouse?"

The vision of becoming an ERP Hub has drawn flaks from a local geomacy expert.

"From the top, Singapore looks like crab," explains Mr Kwa Hong Jui. "And those ERP gantries looks like giant staplers. So, imagine planting so many staplers on a crab, how to live like that? Don't expect Singapore to rise in ranking again for the most livable cities liao lah!"

While car owners are moaning about the ever increasing cost of driving in Singapore, one company has set sights on grabbing this business opportunity.

"We are in the finalising talks with LTA now," announced Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc. "On my hands now is the revolutionary tie-up between Cow's Jr and LTA. From 1st August 2008, motorists will be able to log in their orders for Cow's Jr through their In-Vehicle Unit. When they pass by an ERP gantry, their orders will be picked up and payments automatically deducted from their cashcards. They can then proceed to the Cow's Jr outlet of their choice to pick up their favourite McSlug Happy Meal."

When inquired about the unlucky motorists who have no chance to pass by any ERP gantry, Mr Gu said, "The LTA feels deeply for the unlucky motorist who yet have the chance to enjoy this special privilege. That's why the government has decided to erect an ERP gantry at the exit of every carpark by 1st Jan 2010. By then, ALL motorists can enjoy their favourite McSlug Happy Meal without frills! Kudos to the Transport Ministry!"

On a separate report, LTA has announced that carpark charges at residential areas will be increased to curb congestion issue.

"We noticed that the carparks at the residential areas are unusually congested since the implementation of more ERPs," explained Mr Cheng. "As such, to counter the problem of congestion in the carparks, LTA has decided to raise parking charges across island wide. Our Tranport authority firmly believes that raising charges can solve all problems. Transport Ministry boleh!"

CowShlt Inc All Ready to Take Over Governance of South Korea

Following the mass resignation of the cabinet, South Korea has decided to outsource their government via a closed-door tender.

"It is our utmost honour to receive the Request for Proposal from South Korea," said Mr Gu Sai, CEO of CowShlt Inc. "CowShlt Inc has all along maintained a very close relationship with South Korea. Whenever our supply for CowShlt runs low, i always send my Cowlings to South Korea. And they never fail to produce loads of CowShlt after a few days of eating kimchi."

Mr Gu indicated that CowShlt Inc will go all out to win the tender.

"Realistically, CowShlt Inc has a better chance than any other competitors. The plight of the current government is caused by beef. So, who else is a better candidate to tackle this cowly issue than CowShlt Inc?"

While the company seems upbeat on the surface, it is also riled by rumours that the company's CEO is not seeing eye-to-eye with his deputy, Ms Enxiii, on where to set its headquarter in South Korea.

"While the day-to-day operations of CowShlt Inc rest solely on Mr Gu's shoulders, decision on logistic issue is made solely by me," explained Ms Enxiii. "That Mr Gu keep insisting on building our base at that beach featured in 秋天的童话, hoping to bump into 恩熙. Not a chance, OK! I have decided, we will build our base at the ski resort in 冬季恋歌 instead. Then, i can bump into 斐勇俊 and Mr Gu can bump into THIS Enxiii!"