CowShlt Inc Employee Sent to Hospital after Fainting in Lift

A staff of Singapore's most premire company, CowShlt Inc, was sent to hospital after fainting in the office lift. According to sources, Ms Waheen Leow has complained of breathing difficulties before she passed out. As the symptoms are largely alike, the Police Force has linked their investigation together with the unknown gas case take took place in Golden Landmark Shopping Complex.

The police has rounded up their suspects to the 4 person who were inside the lift with Ms Leow when she fainted.

"Damn suay to be considered as a suspect!" groaned Mr Mah Reh Thon, a colleague of Ms Leow. "To train myself for the upcoming Olympics, i actually ran from my home in Jurong to here in Changi. And the police still has to detain me for questioning. Look! I didn't even have the time to bathe yet!"

"Yaloh!" agreed the 2nd suspect who only identified himself with the initial L.S. "It is truly a bad day for me. The curry i took last night was already taking its toll on me. I was actually praying for the lift to quickly bring me up to my office so i can use the toilet. In fact, i was holding back myself so much just now in the lift until i let some gas out. Luckily it was the silent type which no one else notice. And if you will excuse me, i like to visit the toilet again now."

The 3rd suspect is a delivery boy from a nearby eatery. "Early in the morning have to meet with such thing..... Now that the food has turned stale, i have to exchange for a fresh one again!" When questioned on what food he was delivering at that point of time, the boy delightfully replied, "台湾臭豆腐 loh! You want some? I sell these to you cheap cheap!"

The 4th suspect, another colleague of Ms Leow, claimed total innocence. "How can the police suspect me when i was the last to enter the lift?" exclaimed Mr Kou Chou. "I had a great start for the day enjoying my all-you-can-eat buffet breakfast at the Garlic Restaurant. I tell you, their grilled garlic is so wonderful that i actually ate 20 of them in a row! In anyway, when i entered the lift, Ms Leow was already swaying back and forth. Being the concerned colleague, i simply got face-to-face with her and asked her if she is doing fine. Who will expect her to faint at that very moment?"

The police declined interview as the case is currently under investigation.

What if the Heavy Downpour Results in State-of-Emergency?

The recent downpour does not seem to be ending soon. If the heavy downpour results in a state-of-emergency and safety shelters have to be built, are Singaporeans prepared?

CowShlt Inc speculates what could be heard during the time of emergency.

1. How come the government didn’t arrange the flood to take place during off-peak hours? Now I can’t take the MRT to the safety shelter, how?

2. How come the government didn’t build a sheltered walkway from my home to the safety shelter so I won’t get wet from the horrendous downpour?

3. How come there is an ERP gantry erected at the entrance of every safety shelter?

4. How come there is an upgrade to the safety shelters only in the PAP constituencies?

5. How come only the angmohs have stewardess serving them in the safety shelters?

6. How come I still have to ballot for a place in the more popular safety shelters?

7. How come the safety shelters no aircon one?

8. How come there must be a fixed quota of place in the safety shelters based on ethnic groups?

9. How come the amount of relief I should receive depends on the size of my safety shelter?

10. How come the mee siam served in the safety shelters all got hums one?

Singapore Police Received Several Wrong Tip-off for Whereabout of Mas Selamat

After the escape of Singapore's most wanted man, the Police force has been receiving a steady stream of tip-off from the public who claimed to have spotted the sightings of Mas Selamat.

The first tip-off from Mr Sah Boh Kin led the police to SJI, or St Joseph Institute, at Whitley Road which is just a stone throw away from the ISA detention barrack. The police, acting on Mr Sah's tip-off, found the principal of SJI instead.

"I heard from the radio that the leader of a something JI escape from Whitley Road mah!" explains Mr Soh. "So i immediately thought that the principal of SJI has ran away from the school loh! Who knows that the police is actually looking for another JI leader... I tell you hor, it's all the government's fault for having so many acronyms so similar. I'm only doing my best to help!"

The second tip-off actually brought the Police force all the way to England. According to Mr Yee Pee Ell, a 'familiar face' was seen limping like how Mas Selamat does.

The police officer, while sipping English Breakfast Tea along Thames River, has confirmed that the suspect is not Mas Selamat, but Eduardo da Silva from Arsenal Football Club.

The third tip-off has the Police force searching for Mas Selamat at Changi Village, believing he is making a sea route escape after a call from Mr Chow Hee Lang. The search has proven to be futile, too.

"What? Not possible lah! How can the Police not find it?" questions Mr Chow. "You go ask anybody at Changi Village, everyone can also point you to the right direction lah, so famous there! Do i know who the Police is searching for? Of course i know lah! Huh?? Who is Mas Selamat? I never heard of him."

When questioned on why he tipped-off the Police force on the Changi Village location then, Mr Chow answered, "i heard from the radio that the police is searching for nasi lemak mah!"