Saturday, December 29, 2007

CowShlt Inc Announce 8 New Projects for 2008

Internal Memo - Human Resource Arrangement

Dear Staffs,

The year 2007 has been a great run for CowShlt Inc and 2008 definitely looks even more promising. A total of 8 projects are already in the pipeline and the HR department will be talking to each of you soon in realignment of human resources according to project needs. I shall briefly highlight the 8 projects here so that if you possess a particular interest into any of it, do express yourself early.

And the 8 projects are (in no order of merits or importance):

1. To Revitalise Singapore Economy

As much of my bank accounts are in US dollars, the weakening of the currency has seen my pockets shrunk considerably. I have, therefore, decided to shift our investment focus back to Singapore dollars. Thus, a booming economy is needed. We will therefore have to convert the Singapore Flyer from a ferris wheel to a watermill instead. This watermill will be shifted 8 degrees South, overlooking Singapore business district. This watermill will then provide the much needed wind and water for that area.

2. Building of NewPower Plant

With the price increase in electricity tariff, CowShlt Inc will build our own power generator plant instead. The NewPower plant will convert human wastes of all CowShlt Inc staffs into energy. As i personally observed, much of our shlt contains a high level of oil. All staffs are therefore mandated to consume only deep fried food and produce at least 2kg of waste per day.

3. To Break into the Local Movie Industry

Acclaimed home-grown director Royston Tan has agreed to produce the sequel to the highly successful movie 881 in collaboration with CowShlt Inc. This movie, titled 1711, will see Qi Yuwu reprise his role as Guanyin. Since the departure of Small Papaya, Guanyin developed an obsession with time. And every 5 minutes, he will pick up the phone and dial 1711. He soon developed an explicit relationship with the automated time reporter. Since Guanyin had sold his cock in 881, he will adopt a pet cow in 1711 instead. Enxiii "Techno Cow" will make her movie debut as the voice behind the automated time reporter.

4. To Mass Market the Cure for Gay Tendency

CowShlt Inc, together with Nominated Member of Parliament Thio Li-ann, have successfully developed the cure for gay tendency. The cure, in liquid solution, is to be ingested via two straws shafted into the nose.

5. Building of Singapore Disneyland

The Singapore government has finally convinced Walt Disney to build a Disneyland on our shores and CowShlt Inc has been tasked to oversee the development. To ensure Mickey Mouse and his gang have the same ample space to roam about as in Los Angeles and Japan, Singapore Disneyland will thereby be the first ever multi-storey Disneyland!

6. To Help Win Olympic Gold Medal in Beijing 2008

The Singapore Sports Council views Beijing 2008 as the "first Olympic Games held on homeground". CowShlt Inc has been tasked to expediate the talent spotting process and convert as many Beijing-born athletes to Singapore citizen as possible.

7. To Help Singapore Government Connect with the Youths

The post-65 MPs have dance the hiphop. The MDA officials have sang the rap. Now the Singapore government will connect with the youth in the most widespread manner ever adopted - Facebook. CowShlt Inc will assist all Members of Parliament in sending email invitation to their respective constituents aged 30 and below. The invitation notice will be customised to have only "Accept as Friend" button. Failure to accept their MPs as Friends within 30 days will result in an auto generated house arrest.

8. To Develop Singapore as the Region's Protest Hub

It is of great embarassment to the Singapore leaders to be overtaken by Malaysia in staging protest not once, but thrice. The Singapore government has thus announced an emergency ruling to legalise protest aims to be the leading "Protest Hub" in this region. CowShlt Inc has been roped in to help distribute goodies bags to all protesters. Expect to see our newly crowned Asian Idol - Hady Mirza in action on the inaugural protest. CowShlt Inc will sponsor the top prize for the lucky draw.

The year 2008 promise to be full of excitments with these upcoming projects. I'd like to express my greatest gratitude to all staffs of CowShlt Inc for making 2007 a successful year. And i certainly look foward to another year of unwavering support in 2008!

I sincerely wish all staffs a very Happy New Year.

Best regards,

Gu Sai
CEO, CowShlt Inc

1 comment:

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