Thursday, September 6, 2007
British Cows Stage Major Protest
Thousands of Cows were observed marching down the streets in northern Britain in protest of the government's decision in allowing the creation of human-animal embryos.
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) decision to allow creation of "cytoplasmic" embryos, which merge a tiny bit of human DNA with eggs from animals such as cattle has greatly angered the Cows community in Britain. A female Cow, under the condition of staying anonymous, spoke to the reporter.
"This is plainly inhumane. I cannot imagine myself going to bed with a human. I mean, compare the satisfaction i get from my bull boyfriend to a human. You seriously think any Tom, DICK or Hairy can fill my hole, i mean, spiritual hollowness?"
The Committee Of Workers Private Engagement Network In Singapore (C.O.W.P.E.N.I.S) specially sent a delegate of 200 Cows to Britain to support the demonstration. Its spokesperson, Mr Niu Bian said, "Human beings have longed been known for performing heinous acts just for their own kinky pleasure. Reproduction has always been a missionary act from Mother Nature. But human beings bent nature and adopted doggy style instead. And now, they even want to attempt Cow style!!"
Another group of foreign delegates from China's Mainland Industrial Lactation Kongsi (M.I.L.K) chirped in. "人类实在太不像样了! 我们已经长期被人类欺压, 太久太久了!! 人类喝光我们的牛奶, 穿走我们的牛仔裤, 甚至还发我们的牛脾气! 我们受够了!"
It is unknown how much longer will the demonstration take place. According to internal sources, the British government has already deployed batches of Beefeaters, including the first female Beefeater, to maintain order. A secret conversation between two Beefeaters was overheard. "Thousands of Cows out there. We are Beefeaters. Yum yum......."
As of press time, the Cow Madness continues.