Monday, September 10, 2007

Urgent Service Request from 阎罗王

Internal Memo: High Importance
10 Sept 2007

Dear colleagues,

I have received an urgent Request for Service from Mr 阎罗王. Apparently, Mr 牛头 has gone AWOL with his weapon on hand while performing his guard duties and Mr 马面 was down with MC after contracting equine influenza. They are therefore unable to discharge their duties of chasing all the wandering spirits back to Hades tonight.

As this is an emergency deployment, i will personally lead this project to ensure we meets the Time to Deliver. Projected completion of this project is tonight, 10 Sept 2007 2359 hours. As such, all staffs of CowShlt Inc are expected to work overtime tonight and dinner will be provided.

Below is a brief discription of the jobs and responsibilities of each department. Respective department heads will hold a separate briefing to spell out the details.

Human Resource Department: Kindly cater dinner for all staffs tonight. Allow all staffs to choose between plain and scented joss sticks for the main course. Desserts shall be the standard strawberry flavoured candles. Free flow of rice wine must also be available.

Account Department: Mr 阎罗王 has paid me in advance with a stack of hard cold cash. However, when i tried using them to buy a can of beer from 7-11 this morning, the cashier threw the money back to me instead. Kindly work with the banks to exchange the money back to local currency.

Engineering Department: To ensure a smooth product transfer tonight, please dig another 3 highways to hell by 2330 hours. Ensure that the highways only allow one-way traffic. And don't forget the ERP gantries. We are charging Mr 阎罗王 on a per head (and thus, don't bother about those ghosts without head) basis.

Debt Collection Department: Please make full use of your special capabilities to locate every single spirit that went hiding. Leave no stones un-turned. Do not attempt to hang any pig head tonight or it will end up and dinner to all the hungry ghosts. Use force instead. If any spirit refuse to co-operate, make sure you make their lifes on Earth a living hell.

Your co-operation to meet the tight project timeline is deeply appreciated. The profits collected from Mr 阎罗王 will be directly distributed to all staffs.

Best regards,

Gu Sai
CEO, CowShlt Inc


cHaRmaiNe said...

Ermm, Mr Gu Sai

The dinner is meant for us or meant for the wandering ghosts?
then no OT allowance? More fresh grass for us?

hui said...

Typo error:

Do not attempt to hang any pig head tonight or it will end up and dinner to all the hungry ghosts.

"end up AS dinner ...."

CowShlT Inc said...

Eh Gu Sai, my contact lenses melted while getting near to the brothers enjoying candles & collecting their hell notes from the bin. Claims have been submitted and left on your desk. Kindly ensure payment in local currency. Love, Gu Ni.

CowShlT Inc said...

Please advise what to do with the headless(es). They are now left tied up together at Gate 2B. Kindly advise before they get devoured by the techno chee-ko-pehs who have a thing for kinky bondage. Regards, Ah Niu.

cHaRmaiNe said...

so how? manage to round up all the wanderless souls?

done roll call liao rite?

CowShlT Inc said...

Hi Gu Ni,

Your claims has been submitted together with our invoice to 阎罗王 as total project expenditure. He will be calling upon you personally shortly.

CowShlT Inc said...

Hi Ah Niu,

Those headless ghost shall be your project bonus.